Process of Illumination

Playing 20 Questions...with yourself

“To become learned, each day add something. To become enlightened, each day drop something.” —Lao Tzu

Life Coach Martha Beck crowd-sourced and compiled a list of 20 powerful questions we should be asking ourselves. It's oriented towards women, but perfectly appropriate for men as well. I am particularly fond of Question #9. Isn't that what I have been talking about?

Read the article:
20 questions that could change your life by Martha Beck 

TED Tuesday

Just because I love him...

My design idol, Stefan Sagmeister's, "What I've learned in my life so far". I had the pleasure of spending an hour or so with Stefan at SVA when I was there studying with Milton Glaser a few years ago. He was shutting down his studio and about to leave for Bali on his second year long sabbatical. A natural iconoclast, he was just as sweetly genuine as he is here.

 

Cleaning House

I've been making some changes lately. As I fill my life up with all kinds of things that matter to me, it's been necessary to let some things — and people — go. I've been reconsidering all kinds of things, like the way I schedule my time...the perspective I choose about my work...my willingness to make parenting choices which are tough in the short term, but an investment in my children's developmental well-being...which relationships are nurturing and which are draining. The question I generally ask myself is: "What does my usual M.O. affording me? And what is it robbing me of?" Generally, the answer to the first part is that hanging onto the old way is a fear-based attempt to maintain my perceived safety in the status quo. But it also robs me of the opportunity to find a new and improved status quo — in other words, EVOLVE.

Today I am mirroring the internal work I've been doing in my external environment. It's time to clean house. I am going through the last of the boxes from my recent move, designing my office space, reorganizing my digital world of communication, and ruthlessly ridding my home of clutter.

You might say I am creating a clean, efficient container in which there is room to dance...from the inside out.

Centered Pose

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”
— Jim Rohn

I am finding comfort in this thought today as a wear my favorite yoga tank by Lululemon, called “Centered Pose.” Sitting in the middle of the maelstrom, I observe what swirls around me. The process of deciding what to engage with and what to let drift on by requires a vigilant observation of what choices honor my core values. Nurturing the connection with who I am and how I aspire to being in the world, affords me the foundation from which to act both consciously and responsibly. Not always the easiest place to sit, but ultimately the most rewarding.

TED Tuesday

If you ever doubt what you are capable of, consider operatic soprano Charity Tillemann-Dick.You'll never sing again, said her doctor. But in a story from the very edge of medical possibility, she tells a double story of survival -- of her body, from a double lung transplant, and of her spirit, fueled by an unwavering will to sing.

Deeply moving, this eighteen minutes might change your life. For those of us who have faced medical challenges especially, this is mind-altering. For doctors, it is powerful information. I won't give away the ending, but you won't be disappointed.

 

Challenging Compassion

“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.” 
— Martin Luther King Jr.

It is a special day. Today we celebrate my son’s 4th birthday. It is also the day we remember and honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his contribution to humanity. There is so much inspiration to find in the words and work of Dr. King, but this year, these particular words strike a big chord. In recent weeks, I had been confronted by a situation that challenged my ability to honor one of my deepest values — compassion. Some weeks ago, I received an angry, vitriolic attack via email from someone I worked with in a workshop. The email was inappropriate, inaccurate and threatening. I was simultaneously terrified and outraged. I hated this man!

For a few days, I licked my wounds and indulged my fear and anger at this passive-aggressive terrorist, knowing that somewhere in this experience is what I have learned to refer to as an “AFGO” — Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. It had something to do with the fact that my hatred wasn’t serving me. And that lead me to something deeper. 

One of my deepest beliefs is that we are all souls on a journey, each deserving of compassion. So the question then becomes: How can I hate my attacker and still have compassion for him? Well...I can't. I can hate what he did, but I cannot hate him. I also believe that we are connected in ways our minds cannot fully fathom. So having compassion for him is also having compassion for a part of myself.

This might sound a bit heady and abstract, but as soon as I came to these realizations, I wanted to hug my attacker. What a small, wounded person he really was to be able to lash out that way. Suddenly, his email had nothing to do with me. Not a thing! I just happened to be the witness of a testimony to his own suffering in himself. My fist unclenched and my heart opened.

So if the proof is in the pudding, this past weekend was a big bowl of tapioca. It was the last in our series of workshops and this man and I had to coexist in the same room for 3 full days. We had not communicated at all since the attack. Being in the room wasn't easy. At first, I felt scared and vulnerable. As the time passed, we silently negotiated our space with each other. It seemed that he softened a bit and I offered an olive branch. He didn't take it and I didn't hug him. But the space in my heart that might have been occupied by hatred, was instead filled with deep learning and gratitude for the opportunity to grow.

An Apple A Day...

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs
Co-founder and CEO of Apple, Inc.

Play. Make. Believe.

This is an open invitation to spend the rest of the weekend moving through your life as if you were a little boy playing superhero. Maybe you take an extra 3 sugars in your latte, or maybe you go "fly" off the sofa. It can be subtle, silly or significant.

What happens when you shift the energy with which you approach people and situations? What do you have to leave behind in order to step into this perspective? 

Watering the Lawn

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it might be because they are taking better care of it over there. 

We all have moments when it's easy to see ourselves as victims of circumstance, at the receiving end of someone's anger, or left high and dry by someone's inability to deliver on a promise. Recently, I have been inspired by several friends who have risen to the occasion of some tough challenges. Each of these friends has been able to take a punch and find in it a growth opportunity, becoming stronger as a result.

The thing these individuals appear to have in common is that they’ve taken care of themselves mentally, spiritually and physically. It is plain to see this investment in themselves has provided a foundation from which to operate. When we feed and nurture ourselves at the ground level, we have a much better ability to see clearly that we are whole and strong. When we operate from a place of abundance — because we've filled ourselves up — it becomes easier to stay rooted during life's windstorms. 

TED Tuesday

Smart women sleep their way to the top. Literally.

In this short talk, Arianna Huffington shares a small idea that can awaken much bigger ones: the power of a good night's sleep. Instead of bragging about our sleep deficits, she urges us to shut our eyes and see the big picture: We can sleep our way to increased productivity and happiness -- and smarter decision-making.